there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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