i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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