I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
