I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
