The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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