And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
