One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
