Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am mentally ready for anal.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
