True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have tasted many bathrooms
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
