You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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