Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
