who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
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you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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