My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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