Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize