Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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