You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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