I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
