You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
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She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This baby is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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