Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
