You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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