So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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