I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
