You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think I died a long time ago.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
