I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
