Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
