ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
