Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
