just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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