i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
