Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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