ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
