so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
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