so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
