My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
