I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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