making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
