it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
