Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
