Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
