people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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