I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
