Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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