So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
