I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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