I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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