I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
