I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize