Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
