Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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