We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
