I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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