I hate all girls vehemently.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
