Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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