he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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