Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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