Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And then my night got REAL pukey
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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