Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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