Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
