we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
